I am in New York City attending BEA - Book Expo America. I was here to sign two books: The North Star (Candlewick Press) and Tess's Tree (Harper Collins).
On Friday I checked my voice mail messages and heard one that that shook me... it was made from the cell phone of my friend, Gretchen who I knew as Gari ever since we met 20 years ago in California, but it was Gari's cousin. Her message explained that Gari had passed away last week. She had just celebrated her 43rd birthday. She left a number to call for more information about a service which will be held in two weeks time.
I'm glad my brother, Paul, was with me. The news struck me hard.
It occurred to me, as the weekend unfolded, that the two books I was signing were soothing signals from the universe.
"The North Star", a book about a young boy on an increasingly challenged journey who lands in a deep swamp. Gari struggled most of her adult life with alcohol. I learned last night that she died from cirrhosis to the liver. When I first met her, she was beautiful, funny, adventurous, but the swamp pulled her into a dark place. We lived on different coasts, but we often chatted, especially when things were falling a part for Gari, but I felt good to be a part of her "constellation" - cheering her along the journey. I sit here wondering what more I could have done. I know that addiction has a grip from the inside, but I also know that those around a person struggling can help shine some light on which way to go.
The other book I was signing was "Tess's Tree." A book about loss. A little girl loses her favorite tree to a storm and she grieves deeply. The way the family copes is to have a service for the tree. Family and friends gather in the yard where the tree had stood. They each share memories of the tree and what it meant to them. It eased Tess's heart to see so much love for one tree. Her tree.
I "connected the dots" - the "cosmic dots" and realized that both of these books were speaking to me... at the perfect moment. The power of story to help us understand the mysteries of life, to help us cope, to ease our hearts is a gift we can give each other and ourselves.
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4 comments:
Hi Peter dear.
Sorry for your friend and your grief.
I think I should come over here more often ...
Many things about you and your books and works.
Many kisses from Paris !!!
for U
"FRIENDS,
I am a film maker and a poet. I am a huge image projector. I make up in my mind - - or is it in my heart ? - - images all the time.
We all do that. We are all image makers, we all make them all the time.
And we send them, we project them into the the minds and hearts of our contemporaries because - - acording to the quantum mechanics and all old religion systems and all poets - - and Billy Holliday who is singing now on radio as I am writting this down on my old Olympia Deluxe type writter - - we are all connected. No man is an island.
Some images I pick up from the "real" world and I film them, some others come from much deeper and I do not have any control on them.
But since I know that I am the camera and the projector at the same time, and my brothers and sisters and the whole world, the whole humanity - - and even the little dog that last night kept coming to me trying to tell me something - - yes the whole world is a huge screen, a huge receptor of these images.
And the days and nights go and they do not matter ... It's amazing what really matters ..."
Jonas Mekas
By the way did you like "the spirit" of this text by Jonas Mekas ?
I often feel the way he feels. the projector and the camera. pregnant of one thousand images I can't draw I can't shoot ... fantasies, memories from my childhood, unconscious images. I hardly can describe them with accurate words. odd feeling to feel so rich but not able to share this richness. (may I say thaht richness ?)
well, Mekas express perfectly well what I've felt avout images every day for ages.
I came to your blog via 37 Days and have also found a new friend and something to learn each day...so life is good, in spite of the sadnesses we all endure, or succumb to, what makes the difference? Maybe finding a blog and a person such as yourself, maybe just chance. I am sorry for your loss...
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